One of the biggest lies ever is embedded into the snooty, brattish melody of one of my childhood defense mechanisms: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me..."
Yeah right...
As a child, I was taught to recite this popular yet naive adolescent nursery rhyme when I couldn’t defend myself verbally against my peers. I was taught never to let someone’s words affect me negatively. I was taught to believe that when people said nasty or hurtful things about me that it wasn't true, and that it would only affect me if I "allowed" it to. I was made to believe that the only opinion that mattered and made a difference in my life was my own. I believe my parents had good intentions, but simply didn't understand that they were teaching me wrong. Because the reality of life is the exact opposite - words do affect us!
Have you ever had someone call you fat? Ugly? Stupid? What about someone telling you that they hate you? That you are worthless, or insignificant, or maybe even a waste of life? Perhaps they were more subtle in their wording, and maybe they just said that you weren't good enough to be their friend or significant other. Maybe they told you that you would never be what you aspired to be because you didn't possess the skill, talent, drive, or resources to achieve it. It doesn't matter which of these lines were recited to you, they all have the same thing in common: they are words that can hurt you.
As a youth leader for over 20 years, I have seen and dealt with countless situations where young adults have been victims of hurtful words. I cannot count how many phone calls and text messages I've gotten about students harming themselves or trying to take their own lives because they no longer see value in their lives. Now, I'm not saying that words were the sole cause of their pain. What I am saying is that the hurtful words said to them solidified their deteriorating self-image. I know people that are beautiful both inside and out, but they have the lowest self-esteem and self-image, all because of what someone else said about them. I know people that have the talent to make it big as entertainers, doctors, lawyers, and teachers. But the things other people have said to them has veered them off the path of destiny onto a dead end road of unreached potential.
See, when you open your mouth, you're either watering or wounding! When you speak, only one of two things come out of your mouth - life or death. If you say uplifting, motivating, encouraging, even humorous things to someone, you are watering them with life-infusing words! Laughter heals the body and is also good for the soul. Have you ever heard someone say something that inspired you? Do you remember how you felt afterwards? Like a trillion bucks man!!! I have accomplished many things in my life as the result of someone telling me that I could do it! There is an indescribable feeling when you say something positive to someone, and you see it blossom into an accomplishment or watch it reciprocate to someone else.
However, if you say mean, nasty, hurtful, or otherwise destructive things to people, then you are wounding. It's a tad bit raunchy, but I like to say, "use your tongue to kiss, not kill." What I'm saying is to use your tongue to do/say beautiful things, not to destroy people. It's hard to do, but you have to force yourself to think, "are the words getting ready to come out of my mouth going to hurt this person?" If the answer is yes, then keep your mouth closed! The elders used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" (Man, I wish we could go back to that). The truth is, sometimes we are trying to hurt the other person, and so we justify our murderous verbal onslaught. But that's just an excuse! There is no justification for using the English language to dispense brutal and vicious words that have the ability and potential to hurt, cripple, and kill someone else. What if you said something hurtful to someone and then found out that after that conversation, that they hurt themselves? Trust me when I tell you, it would be extremely difficult to get over that...
What about you? What did your words do today - water or wound? Words are one-way mechanisms, you can never get them back once they leave your lips. So, we must take extra care to watch what we say. Because sticks and stones may break our bones, but if we use the wrong ones, words can kill us...
I'm just saying'...
TRT
